Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Feels like Wednesday

It's a metaphor. Although it would most likely be a better metaphor if most of you weren't likely to read it on an actual Wednesday. Anyway.

I feel like I am at the Wednesday of my dissertation. If my dissertation were a week, I would be at Wednesday. I feel like I have been pushing and pushing this boulder up a hill (some metaphor mixin' for you) and am juuuust about to the top, whereupon the boulder will roll easily down the hill. I can totally see the summit. Yet although I am so close to the top, I am still suffering procrastination. I have learned over the last year or so that my procrastination is worst when I am scared of something -- what am I scared of? Going down the hill can only be good, right? That is true, but it is also scary. Once I go down the other side of the hill, or get to Friday, then other people start to look at my dissertation. So far it has been just me and my advisor in the thick of it (also R has read a good chunk). So it is like soon I will have to share it, and defend it, and explain it to others. eek! Scary! And then I will graduate! And have to get a job! And do the job! And find new things to research! See why it is scary?

So that is why it is Wednesday and why even though it is Wednesday I am still procrastinating. When I told R the Wednesday theory, he said he thinks it is actually Thursday, it just feels like Wednesday to me. Now I am waiting to realize it is actually Thursday but feels like Wednesday.

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