Thursday, March 08, 2007

Aargh

So I am supposed to go to this talk tonight, which will be a good networking/social opportunity, and I will just enjoy it. However, I have had a raging headache all day and thus have gotten very very little done. Blah. I really feel like I need to go to this talk, but right now I just want to lie on the couch. Any pep talk to get me out of the house, or confirmation that I will be doing the right thing by staying home?

I have a troublesome relationship with sickness. Right now, I feel like part of this is my fault because today is my day off, yet the talk is by where I work and I really don't want to go down there. I have been having a hard time integrating my school work with my work work, so I have not made much PhD progress this last week. I keep telling myself that it is only my second week with the job and I am still adjusting and I will figure it out soon, but maybe I am just fooling myself, you know? Anyway, the point is that I can never just be, "ok, I'm not feeling well, I'll stay home". I always suspect the sickness comes from my inner laziness and is my fault. I also have a deep seated belief that I just need to suck it up and go about my business, although in nearly 30 years of life that has never ever worked out well. Also, I have been getting up at 5:30 all week yet staying up to 12:00 and I am soooo tired. I need to just go to bed early, although that means less time hanging with R. My life is so hard.

I need to decide in the next hour or so, so that I can email and give my space at dinner away if I need to. I think I'll go lay on the couch and try to read some articles and see how it goes.

2 comments:

katie said...

When I've had too much time studying and writing at home I've had the same problem with sickness vs. laziness. Good news is that I'd kind of forgotten how common I felt it last year until I read your post. This year there have been some days when I was sick, and I stayed home from work, and one day when I went to work and then realized I shouldn't have, and it was all okay to stay home, much easier than when I was already home. I think it has something to do with unstructured time. If you are sick then you are sick, and you should not feel guilty about it.

Also having the trouble with lack of sleep. When I was just schooling I would stay up late with Christer and he would get up early without me. But now I have to get up early too, but I hate going to bed before him. Blah.

Laurie said...

I stayed home. It is good, I think, because I just keep falling asleep. I think I really need to get to bed earlier if I am working mornings.

I hate to go to bed before R, and usually I can't fall asleep anyway. :P But I think the lack of sleep is doing me in. After all, I am not 22 any more.